Sunday, July 21, 2013

In my last post I mentioned life smacking you in the face when you least expect it.  Well, life has smacked me again.  The last time I wrote my dad was in treatment for prostate cancer and we were looking for funding for the super expensive medicine.  He'd been in and out of the hospital over the first weeks of the year, and mid February was back in there again.  The oncologist came to the hospital and told us the cancer wasn't responding and there was no use in continuing treatment, the cancer had spread even more.  He said  Dad had about six months and we started looking into hospice care.  Over the next 24 hours it became apparent that his heart was failing rapidly and we went from having 6 months to just hours.  There was a mad scramble to get loved ones in to see him while he was still conscious.  He passed away the next morning, at peace and with his family at his side.  What a complete and utter shock it was.  I knew he didn't have long to live, I knew the cancer was not curable but I thought we'd have more time.   

This week is the first time I've gone into the studio to work since he passed.  I'd been in there organizing and ordered some needed supplies online, but didn't have the heart to actually work.  I didn't realize just how deeply these two deaths had affected me.  I was functioning, getting through the days, but without being able to create I wasn't whole.  Losing both parents over the course of two years - never in a million years did I think it would happen that way.  I'm no longer reaching for the phone to call, but it did take a while to get past that.  It's funny how my parents come up in every day conversations, how I see or hear things and say to my husband 'Dad would've loved that' or 'my Mom hated that commercial.'  It was alot of work taking care of my dad, I spent probably half my time talking on the phone to him, straightening out messes with his finances or medicines, or sitting in some doctor's office waiting room.  But I wouldn't change a thing, it was my privilege to care for him and be there for him, like he was there for me as I grew.  I miss them both.

So, I am back again to this world which I know little about but am determined to conquer.  My daughter is going to help me jump into social media, I'm taking a class on digital photography and working very diligently in the studio.  Right now there are three trays of friendly plastic pieces curing - and I can say they are probably the brightest things I have made to date.  Also drying are quite a few pieces of patinated metal, which turned out quite nicely.  Stay tuned, I'll be posting photos soon...